Proselytism
by Wonderland-Chic
Summary: Short AU one-shot about what would happen if Hidan tried to convert Shikamaru to Jashinism. Not HidaShika but slight mentions of another yaoi couple...you have to squint to see it. Otherwise Enjoy! Rated T for Hidan's mouth.
**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT AND NEVER WILL OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS IN NARUTO. THAT RIGHT IS RESERVED FOR THE MARVELOUS MISASHI KISIMOTO-SAMA AND HIS BRILLIANCE.**

 **Proselytism**

 **Proselytism** **/ˈprɒsəlᵻˌtɪzəm/ is the act of attempting to convert people to another religion or opinion.**

It was a normal day. Just like every other day really. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and the clouds were at the peak of fluffiness. Yes, today was the perfect day to just kick back, relax, and not have a care in the world. Just him and nobody el-

'Knock' 'Knock'

Shikamaru looked at the door from where he was laying on the couch. Groaning as the persistent knocking continued.

"Who the hell gets up at ten in the morning on a Saturday anyway?" he grumbled to himself, going to answer the door.

When he got there he wasn't exactly sure what he was seeing. There was a man, dressed in slacks and a suit jacket but no shirt. He had slicked back silver hair and an odd looking pendant around his neck.

"Hello, my name is Hidan, can I interest you in talking about our Lord and savior, Jashin?"

Shikamaru stood there not entirely sure if this was some kind of prank before sighing, "Look, Hidan was it? It's way too troublesome to get into religion…have a nice day or whatever." He then proceeded to shut the door in the guy's face.

"You wouldn't believe this fucker Kakazu! He just blew me off! Didn't even stop to consider how amazing Jashin is!" Hidan paced back and forth his agitation was palpable.

Kakazu sighed, annoyed that he had to pause in his counting, "Well maybe if you had worn a shirt like a normal human being he would have felt more comfortable in your presence."

Hidan grumbled and glared at Kakazu, " _Maybe he would've been more comfortable in your presence_ …BLAH! Who cares if the little prick is comfy? As long as the word of Jashin is spread I don't care how he feels! I'm going to go find that bastard and put the fear of Jashin in his veins!"

Hidan stormed out of the room and Kakazu watched him go, "Good riddance." He said as he continued with his counting, "$1,800… $1,801… $1,802"

"So then Sakura was like- Shikamaru! Are you even listening to me?" Ino Yamanaka glared at her companion, she took in his lazy slouch and half lidded eyes and decided, yes, he is ignoring me.

Shikamaru looked at the blonde glaring at him as if he had just kicked her puppy, "Yes, you troublesome woman, of course I'm listening to you go on and on about your problems." He sighed, "Problems, may I remind you, that I care nothing about."

"Whoa Shikamaru, what crawled up your ass and died?" The Yamanaka asked, not expecting the sass she just got from the typically passive Nara. Shikamaru sighed again' and doesn't it seem like he's doing that a lot today?

"Sorry Ino, I've been having a bad day; there's no reason to take it out on you."

First that religious guy showed up at his house and then his mother made him run errands for her. Normally this wouldn't have been such a big deal except he got stuck in traffic and he had to go back out because his mother needed more eggs. She doesn't even know how to bake and decided today would be a good day as any to try it for the first time.

After he got home for the second time he was just going to take a nap for a while but Ino called and said he was coming out with her even if she had to drag his 'completely unmotivated carcass' out of the house by his ponytail. They went to Starbucks, at her request, got their drinks and went to the nearby park; then she proceeded to complain about everything under the sun while they were walking. So excuse him if he's a little worn out and irritated.

Ino smiled at him, "It's okay Shikamaru I can take you home; you do look a little more tired than usual." They stood up to leave when suddenly there was a man with slicked back silver hair standing in front of them.

Hidan was having a hard time finding the guy from earlier; he even went to the fucker's house only to be told by his, rather nice, mother that he left with one of his sissy friends. He was about to give up when he happened by the park to see the pointy haired bastard with a chick that looked disturbingly like Itachi's little blonde boyfriend.

The rational thing to do in this situation would to be politely walk up to the pair and start a civilized conversation about his wonderful religion and why they should join it. This is probably why Hidan did the exact opposite.

"YOU! Stupid pineapple head! You will listen to the brilliance of Jashin!" He yelled pointing at the startled teen.

' _Great this guy again, what's his name again? Oh, Hidan, right.'_ Shikamaru thought, watching the weird religious nut rant about his god and how _'Jashin'_ was the best thing next to sliced bread. This really just adds the shit icing to the proverbial shit cake of his day. Shikamaru glanced at Ino, looking as shocked as she did, and decided it would be less troublesome to just wait for the guy to finish instead of interrupting him.

"…and that is why Jashin is the best god ever and deserves our unconditional worship!"

"Are you done?" Shikamaru asked, "Because it's almost six and I have to get home soon."

Hidan glared "Are you going to convert to Jashinism and put your pathetic existence to some use?"

Ino starting laughing "This guy? Really? You want him in your religion? He so lazy he'd probably make all your followers as lazy as him!" She kept laughing even as she started to walk away, "Meet you in the car Shika!"

Hidan stared at Shikamaru who stared right back at him. It seemed to be a battle of wills. "Was she serious? Are you actually that fucking lazy?"

Shikamaru made a split decision, "Yes. My laziness is quite contagious as well; it seems to affect three fourths of the people I interact with on a daily basis." He hoped that the nut would believe him because if he didn't get home soon his mother would nag…and that's just way to troublesome to deal with.

Hidan glared, "Jashin doesn't need lazy bastards like you to do his bidding! But know that you will forever be a heathen in His eyes!" He turned away and left in a huff.

"How will I ever live with myself?" Shikamaru drawled, heading to the car to finally go home and get some sleep. Today had been way to exhausting.

 **Second story done! This one was kind of fun to write because who wouldn't love a half dressed Hidan on their doorstep XD 'Till next time!**

 **OMAKE**

"…and that is why Jashin is the best god ever and deserves our unconditional worship!"

Hidan took a deep breath after he finished his rant…only to look around and notice there was nobody there.

"THE FUCKING PINEAPPLE BASTARD LEFT?!"


End file.
